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There is something alluring to some of us in a good spoof. Even if we can't
all aspire to the heights of classical irony, then we can can at least enjoy fun being
poked at pomposity or excessive naivety where it is deserved. There are two cases
that spring to mind in those two categories; E-mail disclaimers and Virus Alerts.
There are many examples of these that go the rounds but they are never to hand when
you want them, so I have put this page together so that at least I know how to find
an example when I need it.
E-mail disclaimers.
My favourite, author unknown, but passed via Wendy Grossman, Mark Phillips and
Graham Langley, who are all members of the wonderful
CIX community.
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IMPORTANT
- This e-mail is not and cannot, by its nature, be confidential.
En route from me to you, it will pass across the public Internet,
easily readable by any number of system administrators along the
way.
If you have received this message by mistake, it would be
ridiculous for me to tell you not to read it or copy to anyone
else. Let's face it, if it's a message revealing confidential
information or that could embarrass me intensely, that is precisely
what you'll do; who wouldn't? It is also superfluous for me to
claim copyright in the contents, because I own that anyway, even if
you print out a hard copy or disseminate this message all over the
known universe. I don't know why so many corporate mail
servers feel impelled to attach a disclaimer to the bottom of every
e-mail message saying otherwise. If you don't know either, why not
e-mail your company's lawyers and system administrators and ask them
why they insist on contributing so much to the waste of bandwidth. |
There are plenty of other good ones out there, here are just a few pointers.
If you want more just enter "spoof disclaimer" in Google.
Jeffrey Goldberg has some examples on his page
"Parodies of stupid e-mail disclaimers".
Susan Stepney also has a page
"jokes > Universal disclaimer" covering disclaimers in general, not just e-mail
ones, though there are some good e-mail ones there.
The Register also ran a competition last year (June 2001)
Readers' Letters The E-mail Disclaimer Awards 2001, with various categories:-
- Longest Disclaimer
- Most Incomprehensible Disclaimer
- Most PC Disclaimer
- Best Bi-lingual Disclaimer
- Best Spoof Disclaimer
- Special Award for Best WWW Disclaimer
Virus Alerts
Although some of these have been funny, the whole business of chain mail, junk mail, and
exhortations to "send this e-mail to everyone you know" stopped being funny when that well
known supplier of Secure software started shipping mail clients with exploitable
loopholes that the virus writers were quick to find.
However well intentioned people are, in sending on these virus warnings, they just add to
general spam noise. Anyone who wants to know what the latest is on viruses, will be subscribed
to one of the AV Vendors news lists, the rest of us don't want to be alerted to the latest hoax,
several times a day. So it is useful to have something to send back to people who insist on
sending out these useful alerts.
If you want to know if something received in your e-mail is a virus or hoax you can check
it out courtesy of Sophos here.
This one is my favourite, again I don't know where it came from.
FROM: laocoon@doomgloom.edu
TO: Trojan Army Listserv < Trojans-L@troy.org
RE: WARNING!! BEWARE GREEKS BEARING GIFTS!
Hey Hector,
This was forwarded to me by Cassandra--it looks legit. Please distribute
to Priam, Hecuba, and your 99 siblings.
Thanks, Laocoon
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
IF YOU RECEIVE A GIFT IN THE SHAPE OF A LARGE WOODEN HORSE DO NOT
DOWNLOAD IT!!!! It is EXTREMELY DESTRUCTIVE and will overwrite your
ENTIRE CITY!
The "gift" is disguised as a large wooden horse about two stories
tall. It tends to show up outside the city gates and appears to be abandoned.
DO NOT let it through the gates! It contains hardware that is incompatible
with Trojan programming, including a crowd of heavily armed Greek warriors
that will destroy your army, sack your town, and kill your women and children.
If you have already received such a gift, DO NOT OPEN IT! Take it back out of
the city unopened and set fire to it by the beach.
FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!
Poseidon
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FROM: hector@studmuffin.com
TO: laocoon@doomgloom.edu
RE: Greeks bearing gifts
Laocoon,
I hate to break it to you, but this is one of the oldest hoaxes there is.
I've seen variants on this warning come through on other listservs, one
involving some kind of fruit that was supposed to kill the people who
ate it and one having to do with something called the "Midas
Touch". Here are a few tip-offs that this is a hoax:
1) This "Forward this message to everyone you know" crap. If it
were really meant as a warning about the Greek army, why tell anyone to
post it to the Phoenicians, Sumerians, and Cretans?
2) Use of exclamation points. Always a give-away.
3) It's signed "from Poseidon". Granted he's had his problems
with Odysseus but he's one of their guys, isn't he? Besides, the lack of
a real header with a detailed address makes me suspicious.
4) Technically speaking, there is no way for a horse to overwrite your
entire city. A horse is just an animal, after all.
Next time you get a message like this, just delete it. I appreciate your
concern, but once you've been around the block a couple times you'll
realize how annoying this kind of stuff is.
Bye now, Hector. |
There are two other spoofs that can be useful, but I have put them on a separate
page to avoid over loading this one.
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