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This first spoof does not have the subtlety of the Wooden Horse one but it may perhaps
be useful for a repeat offender if the message didn't get through the first time.
Warning, Caution, Danger, And Beware!
Gullibility Virus Spreading over the Internet!
WASHINGTON, D.C.--The Institute for the Investigation of Irregular
Internet Phenomena announced today that many Internet users are becoming
infected by a new virus that causes them to believe without question
every groundless story, legend, and dire warning that shows up in their
inbox or on their browser. The Gullibility Virus, as it is called,
apparently makes people believe and forward copies of silly hoaxes relating
to cookie recipes, email viruses, taxes on modems, and get-rich-quick
schemes.
"These are not just readers of tabloids or people who buy lottery
tickets based on fortune cookie numbers," a spokesman said. "Most
are otherwise normal people, who would laugh at the same stories if told to
them by a stranger on a street corner." However, once these same people
become infected with the Gullibility Virus, they believe anything they read
on the Internet.
"My immunity to tall tales and bizarre claims is all gone," reported
one weeping victim. "I believe every warning message and sick child story
my friends forward to me, even though most of the messages are anonymous."
Another victim, now in remission, added, "When I first heard about Good
Times, I just accepted it without question. After all, there were dozens of
other recipients on the mail header, so I thought the virus must be true."
It was a long time, the victim said, before she could stand up at a Hoaxees
Anonymous meeting and state, "My name is Jane, and I've been hoaxed."
Now, however, she is spreading the word. "Challenge and check whatever you
read," she says.
Internet users are urged to examine themselves for symptoms of the virus,
which include the following:
The willingness to believe improbable stories without thinking.
The urge to forward multiple copies of such stories to others.
A lack of desire to take three minutes to check to see if a story is true.
T. C. is an example of someone recently infected. He told one reporter,
"I read on the Net that the major ingredient in almost all shampoos makes
your hair fall out, so I've stopped using shampoo." When told about the
Gullibility Virus, T. C. said he would stop reading email, so that he would
not become infected.
Anyone with symptoms like these is urged to seek help immediately. Experts
recommend that at the first feelings of gullibility, Internet users rush
to their favourite search engine and look up the item tempting them to
thoughtless credence. Most hoaxes, legends, and tall tales have been
widely discussed and exposed by the Internet community.
Courses in critical thinking are also widely available, and there is
online help from many sources, including;
Lastly, as a public service, Internet users can help stamp out the
Gullibility Virus by sending copies of this message to anyone who forwards
them a hoax.
This message is so important, we're sending it anonymously! Forward it to
all your friends right away! Don't think about it! This is not a chain
letter! This story is true! Don't check it out! This story is so timely,
there is no date on it! This story is so important, we're using lots of
exclamation points! Lots!!!!!!!! For every message you forward to some
unsuspecting person, the Home for the Hopelessly Gullible will donate ten
cents to itself. (If you wonder how the Home will know you are forwarding
these messages all over creation, you're obviously thinking too much.) |
This one has pulled all the stops in trying to include references to every topical
hoax on the rounds at the time it was penned.
This may amuse you.. It must be true, I read it on the net.
I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home
recovering from having actually been served a rat in his
bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was
in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all
over. When he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS
HAD BEEN STOLEN and he saw a note on his mirror that said
"Call 911!" But he was afraid to use his phone because it
was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his
computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened an
e-mail entitled "Good Times, Join the crew!"
He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer
programmer who was working on software to save us from
Armageddon when the year 2000 rolls around. His program will
prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get
together and distribute the $600 Neiman Marcus cookie recipe
under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all
last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was
also promising me a free Disneyworld vacation and $5,000 if I
would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)
The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to
report his missing kidneys, but reaching into the coin-return
slot he got jabbed with an HIV- infected needle around which
was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS."
Luckily, he was only a few blocks from the hospital - the one,
actually, where that little boy who is dying of cancer is,
the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send
him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to
pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives. I sent him two
e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in the
shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to twenty
people you will have good luck, but forward it to only ten
people you will only have ok luck, and if you send it to less
than ten people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).
So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the
hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving along
without his headlights on. To be helpful, he flashed his
lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang
initiation. And it's a little-known fact that the Y1K problem
caused the Dark Ages.
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Please distribute this story freely as it is absolutely true.
James Millington, Regional Product Manager EMEA, Norton AntiVirus |
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